It's Clobberin' Time
by Cerby
Summary: So one lovely morning in Brawl, three swordsmen and a furball are dropped onto the Hylian Temple stage...


A/N: Because everybody loves Brawl, yestheydo. Including me. So, a lovely fictional oneshot battle featuring lots and lots of Marth Abuse. Lots.

I wuv my Marth, really. _Cough._

* * *

Oh boy. Here he was again. And dragged right out of his nice warm bed, too.

Grumbling, Marth looked about to make sure he wasn't about to get jumped from behind, then angled Falchion's shining blade so that his face was reflected on it. Ugh...his hair was a mess. One hand reaching up while the other held his sword steady, Marth carefully adjusted his bangs and manly little tiara. What he wouldn't give for a brush right now. Or a pillow. Where was a sandbag when you needed it? Stupid thing.

"HYAAAAAARGH!" Marth choked back a yelp and skittered out of the way when a rolling blur of blue and green came crashing down the earthen slope in front of him and finally rolled to a halt five feet away. There it coalesced into a writhing ball of what appeared to be Link and Lucario. Link was apparently winning the little wrestling match, until Lucario kicked him in the stomach. Blinking, the Aritian prince looked down at his tunic color and siiiighed. A team match. Lovely. Walking over, Marth halted behind the two and poked Link in the rear with the point of his sword.

"It's too early for a bloody team match," he growled. Link yelped and hopped up, grabbing his arse in a panic.

"Adsgs - Oh, it's just you. D:" Rubbing his sore tailbone, the Hylian paused and looked over Marth's rumpled appearance. "Wow, no shower for you this morning, Sir Princess?"

Marth snarled and punted Link off the edge of the platform with a good, solid kick.

"Oh dear." Lucario finally scraped himself off the ground, brushing dust off his blue fur. The aura pokemon looked a little battered, but not too worse for the wear.

"What happened to you?"

"He jumped down on me from a column. Like I was one of those...things. Hm. Gerudo bandits, was it?" Shrugging, Lucario ruffled his fur and reignited the shimmering aura around his paws, the blue energy glowing with strong light. "Doesn't matter. I have more energy now."

"...I don't understand you." Marth yawned and adjusted his tiara again. It kept slipping. :x "So, did you see who the last person is - "

_"Aether!"_

Marth grabbed Lucario and sprinted up the earthen slope as both Ike and Ragnell crashed into the ground they'd previously occupied. Swearing under his breath, Marth tossed the Pokemon up towards the left ledge of the temple, and spun around to face Ike. Hopefully Lucario would go around and attack the Crimean from behind. The blue - haired man was chuckling, strolling easily forward with the large golden sword resting on his shoulder. "Haha! Scared you good, didn't I?"

"Be quiet," Marth muttered, resisting the urge to make some rude, unprincely gesture. "Why are you people so cheerful in the morning?"

"Pff. Not a morning royal, I see." Ike unshouldered his sword and held it in front of him, settling into his sword stance. "You remind me of Elincia. She used to be right pissy if we woke her up before noo - "

FWACK! Falchion collided with Ragnell in a shower of sparks. The two swords pushed on each other for a moment before separating and connecting again, a rapid flurry of silver and gold.

Ike was so intent on not getting skewered through the middle that he didn't notice Lucario creeping ninja - like along the edge of the ceiling. That is, until the blue Pokemon dropped down and knocked Ike's feet out from under him. Ragnell went flying through the air to thud in the dirt nearby, and Lucario was basically in the process of handing Ike his arse on a silver platter. Marth supposed he had Link to thank for this.

Now that he had some free time, the Aritian prince bounded up into the upper floor of the temple. After scrambling up over the edge of the stonework, he stopped to adjust his tiara again (Note to self: get hairpins,) and looked about. There on the floor a few feet away, like a veritable breath of fresh air, was a steaming cup of coffee. Marth sprinted towards it -

_Fwish!_

- and ran straight into the Gale boomerang, which whirled both him and the cup into the air before plopping him ungracefully on the ground. After getting over the dizzy feeling and trying to realize what just happened, Marth came to the revelation that the cup was on his head and there was a large coffee - stain all down the front of his tunic. And there was a green - clad Hylian on the steps twenty feet away laughing hysterically.

Oh, that definitely did it. Bristling like an angry blue cat, Marth stalked on over and grabbed Link by the back of his shirt, ignoring the alternate babbling, pleading, and squirming that was going on. Taking the Master Sword in his other hand, he went to the very edge of the platform, lowered Link down and drove the Master Sword through his shirt into the stone with newfound Angry Prettyboy strength. This effectively left the Hylian hanging there, gasping for breath and trying not to fall out of his shirt. His task of revenge thus completed, Marth headed back to the other edge of the temple floor and peered over the edge to see how Lucario was doing.

He ended up having to jerk his face out of the way to avoid getting it sliced open by Ragnell as Ike Aether'd his way up onto the middle floor. The Crimean was panting and covered in dust. Marth wondered what happened to Lucario, and then swiftly drew his sword to avoid getting chopped in half as the golden blade whistled through the air. Falchion was quick to block, the slim sword seeking any available openings to strike. Tired from wrestling with Lucario, Ike was slower than normal with his swings. Marth saw his chance.

Fwack FWACK FWACK! _Fwackfwackfwackfwackfwack_! FWACK! The dancing blade attack ripped through the air, the last slice accompanied by a good punt that sent Ike flying. Whuffing, Marth was preparing to descend into the lower part of the temple to look for Lucario when the blue pokemon came hopping over from beyond the crevice, on the other half of the Hylian temple grounds.

"Nice punt," he commented. Marth grunted. "Where's the other one?"

"I stuck him to the ledge with his sword."

Lucario chortled and ruffled his ears, tail giving a soft wag of amusement. "I found a party ball over here. Want to see if it has food?"

Marth perked up and leaped past the aura canine in his mad scramble for what would account to as breakfast.

Meanwhile, on the edge of the Ledge of Stupid!

"Would you please just let go and die already? You're pulling down my pants."

"No. It's not my fault you were dumb enough to get yourself stuck here."

"But it's your fault you got yourself punted!"

"Well, what can I say? That Marth has one hell of a kick when he's pissed."

Link wiggled his legs, trying to dislodge Ike's grip on his knees. The Crimean clung harder, glancing down towards the endless abyss below in the process. He did not want to fall down there, even though he knew he would somehow end right back up at the top of the temple again through unknown means. Still, that sensation of an endless fall was scary. "Would you stop kicking me in the ribs?"

"Let gooooo, Ike. You're going to rip my shirt and then we're both toast. :"

The two looked up at the sound of boots lightly tapping on the stone floor, and presently Marth emerged to lean over and stare at them, a safe distance away from the edge. One hand held an apple, and the other yet another cup of the wondrous coffee. "Having fun down there, ladies?"

"Piss off, prissy. O"

"...prissy?"

"Prince Sissy."

Again, Marth resisted the urge to make some rude, unprincely gesture. Being the brash commoner he was, Ike had no problem doing such a thing. "Where's your fuzzy teammate?"

"Lucario? He's back there, chasing something." Marth jerked a thumb over his shoulder, glancing back to look in time to see the blue pokemon perform a flying kick at a luminous, glowing rainbow orb lazily floating around the field. "Are you almost done yet?"

"You come over here and try catching this thing," Lucario grunted, finally slamming his paw through the Smash Ball and shattering it. A satisfying rush of power surged through his body, making him glow. A smug smirk on his canine face, Lucario padded on over to stand next to Marth and look down. "Hello."

The denizens of the ledge went bone white. "Oh, you didn't," Link sputtered, nervously trying to inch his way away from the pokemon and failing. Lucario chuckled, waving one glowing paw through the air.

"Oh, I did."

"I'm going to turn you into a rug," Ike promised, although his threat didn't seem quite so threatening while clinging to someone else's legs.

The aura pokemon snorted. "Not if I turn you into one first." Marth took this as his cue to go hide behind a nearby pillar. "Watch the power!"

Ike and Link screamed as they were blasted to their doom by an aerial Aura Storm. "Shoop the whoop," Marth commented from behind his pillar with a chuckle, before pausing and wondering where that came from, exactly. Maybe there was something in the coffee. Darn you, Spam.

Lucario came back down to earth, looking more smug than ever. "You know, his sword is still stuck in the ledge."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Ah, well," Marth grinned darkly. "I can't stand stains on my clothing."

"...I'll remember that," Lucario turned and padded off back towards the other side of the arena to await the return of both Link and Ike. Marth watched him go, then went whistling off to find a hiding spot for an ambush attack or two.

--

That stupid Marth. He was so dead when Link got his hands on him. Sticking him to a ledge with his own sword... And then Lucario blasting him off it. Now there was a giant rip in the back of his shirt! And gosh, was it drafty. At least he still had his pointy hat. Link was not a hero without his pointy hat.

"From now on, I'm flushing the toilet every time he takes a shower," the Hylian grumbled, walking cautiously towards the edge of the ledge to stare down at his Master Sword stuck into the stone. Was he strong enough to pull it out? He still didn't understand how a pansy like Marth was strong enough to jab it _in_.

_PUNT_!

"YAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Link went sailing off the edge for the second time. Marth whuffed in his general direction, before adjusting his tiara yet again. Forget hairpins, maybe he would get it surgically attached to his skull. Without damaging his hair, of course. In the silence, it took him a moment to realize he hadn't heard the tell - tale 'Boom!' of someone falling into the endless darkness below. Frowning, Marth leaned back over the edge again.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," he muttered. Link was hanging suspended from his clawshot, the end of which was wrapped around the handle of the Master Sword. Even as he watched, the Hylian started to swoosh back up with the help of the retractable chain.

So Marth did the smart thing and ran. No sense in having Link jump him like a generic Re - Dead joke and the both of them falling off the edge.

--

"Alright fuzzy, how would you like your corpse displayed?"

Lucario neatly flipped away from Ragnell's flashing blade, smashing Ike in the chin with a glowing uppercut that knocked the Crimean off his feet and flat onto his back on the ground. "In a coffin somewhere, preferably."

Ike groaned, reaching for his sword and groggily sitting up when something stabbed him in the arse. He shot up with a yell, clutching his backside and looking around. Lucario blinked, then leaned down over the edge to see Marth snickering, having stuck Falchion up through a crack in the stonework. "You're awfully fond of sporking people up the butt, aren't you?"

_WHACK_! Lucario went flying as Ike slammed him with Ragnell, baseball - style. Marth watched his partner go flying away until Ike's head obscured his vision, the Crimean positively livid. "Marth, you're a freakin' queer."

"Says the ruffian."

"I do say, Mister Transvestite,"

_Fwoosh_.

Ike yanked his face away from a dolphin slash as Marth came spiraling upwards, his sword flying into a rapid chain combo. Once more sparks flew along the top platform of the Hylian temple, a sparkling display of silver and gold.

_Zing_! Something whooshed right over Marth's head, causing his hair to ruffle wildly for a moment. During that momentary pause, Ike went to smash the Aritian prince into the pavement, only to get countered with a magical swordlock as Marth nervously felt the top of his head. Something was missing...oh no. No. "My tiara?!"

"I can't tell if that was an improvement or not!" Link yelled over from his sniping spot on the small roof of the porchlike structure on the far side of the temple. The Hylian was idly twirling his bow in his hands, and grinning from ear to pointy ear.

For a moment, Marth was torn. Smash Link's face in or find his tiara? Retrieve his sister's keepsake, and then kill the elf boy, he decided. Shoving Falchion hard against Ragnell, Marth thrust Ike back long enough to break the swordlock and dash away in the direction of the malignant arrow and his precious manly little tiara.

Ike stumbled backwards, flailing a second before regaining his balance. "Geez. All that fuss over a little piece of jewelry." Hefting Ragnell, he turned to go join up with Link and hunt down the blue - haired pansy once and for all, when a flash of brightness caught his vision. Next second, he was knocked flat on his face by an Aura Sphere.

"Going somewhere?" Lucario was not amused at being used as a fuzzy projectile.

--

"Where's that stupid - ah HA." Shading his eyes against some far - off sun, Marth squinted up at the arrow protruding from a crack in the stones above. But, one small problem... The tiara was not up there. It must've fallen off somewhere along the way, and that left the whole side and bottom floors of the temple to search. Marth resisted the urge to headdesk against a wall somewhere. Just for this, he was going to shred Link's hat into green confetti.

On the verge of despair, he turned around and spotted a party ball lying on the ground, yet another one of those magically appearing items. Feeling in a rather grumpy mood, Marth swiped at it with his sword, watching the yellow paper orb float up into the air and burst open with much cheering and fanfare. Food fell out, along with a fan and a Pokeball and -

_Dink_! Blinking, Marth gingerly reached up and felt the top of his head, eyes widening in the process. His tiara! "In the party ball?" Oh well, who cared - It was back, and that was the important thing. Carefully adjusting it back into proper position, Marth smoothed his hair and leaned down to pick up the Pokeball. It was time for a little payback, and doubtless in a way Lucario would favor.

--

"I can't believe you belted him again."

"What can I say? He's a pointy baseball with fur."

Ike and Link strolled casually along the middle floor of the Hylian temple. They were evidently not concerned about furry doom jumping out to kick their tails, probably because Ike had whacked Lucario all the way down to the lowest tier of platforms, and it would take him a while to get back up. Presumably, anyway. As for their opinion on Marth - "Pffft. I bet he's still looking for his stupid hairband. Nice shot, by the way."

"Thanks. I knew all that practice would pay off eventually."

So yes. Casually strolling along, when something brown whistled through the air and collided with the ground in front of them. The Deku nut broke with a bright flash that made stars flash in front of the two swordsmen, and left them shaking their heads and rubbing their eyes. "Where the heck did that come from?"

"Hello, lowlifes. Miss me?" Marth inquired from on top of a stone wall, one hand holding Falchion at the ready while the other gently tossed the Pokeball up and down. Link and Ike boggled for a moment before yanking out their weapons.

"Miss you? Yeah right," Ike grunted, glaring at the other blue - haired swordsman. He had yet to knock Marth off a cliff today, or even get the upper hand on him with Ragnell. It was rather starting to piss him off. "Better run away, prissy boy. You can't take us both without your little stuffed animal."

"I don't need Lucario," Marth stated, even as the blue Pokemon stuck his head up from the slope leading down into the lower levels of the temple. "There you are. Care to throw? Your aim is better than mine."

"Certainly." Lucario sprang up and grabbed the red and white ball between his paws, before hurling it with disturbing accuracy. The Pokeball struck Link square in the face, then fell to the pavement and burst open with another bright flash. There was a momentary silence of trepidation, during which Marth looked around expectantly for the Pokemon, hoping it was something good.

Gradually, he became aware of Lucario gaping up at something behind him. "Lucario?"

"By Aura," the blue Pokemon gasped, jaw dropping. _"Lugia!"_

Ike gulped, mindfully ignorant for a moment of Link's muttered cursing and massaging of his abused face. "This isn't gonna end well..."

The massive white and blue Pokemon behind the blue team members dipped its sleek, crested head, before cracking its jaws open and letting out a loud, piercing screech. The focused sound waves blasted across the stage, right at Link and Ike, forcing the two swordsmen back towards the edge of the stage. Marth looked down at Lucario as Lugia stopped its attack and vanished. "I get Link, you get Ike?"

"Deal," the aura canine grunted, darting forward with a quick patter of paws. Marth wasn't far behind, his cape billowing behind him as he zoomed for Link, still stunned from the barrage of sound.

_Fwackfwack fwackfwack_ FWACKFWACKFWACKBAM. A heavy blow from Falchion sent the Hylian flying off the edge into the unknown. Out of the corner of his eye, Marth saw Lucario smash Ike hard in the chest with a Force Palm and send him soaring.

As their enemies flailed and fell off in the distance, Marth sheathed Falchion and raised his hand to slap paws with Lucario. Yet another day's worth of work completed... Now all he had to worry about was angry green - clad swordsmen flushing toilets while he was trying to shower.


End file.
